If you are a proud pothead and smoke weed on the daily, life isn’t as easy as one might think. Every day, there are several obstacles which face stoners on the daily. We compiled a list of them here for your perusal. Let us know in the comments section on the bottom of the page if there is a obstacle which faces you daily as a routine weed smoker.
1. Running out of weed
Of all the obstacles which face stoners daily, this is one hundred percent the number one problem that affects the entire population of stoner folk: running out of weed. This universal problem has several causes, all of which can really put a kink in your plans.
First of all, if you order your weed from a street dealer or delivery driver, maybe you just can’t get ahold of them! We’re all human, and even our weed delivery people and street dealers need a break sometimes. Maybe it’s Thanksgiving or Christmas? Maybe, God forbid, the law has stepped in to affect their business. Either way, sometimes you just can’t get ahold of your contact. If you’re lazy and you left this to your last nug to reach out to your guy, sorry! Always plan for the future.
The second possibility, if you order from an online dispensary like most savvy Canadian stoners, is that your weed is stuck or lost in the mail. This past year with all of the covid problems, Canada Post has been understaffed and slightly unorganized (putting it lightly). We have noticed that all packages do end up arriving, sometimes they take much longer than they are supposed to, to both yours and our chagrin.
2. Running out of snacks
This can be remediated, but it’s definitely a pain in the ass. A walk to the closest 24 hour convenience store is manageable. Remember, employees of these places are used to seeing stoned folk tiptoeing in late at night, all red eyed and mumbling, full of uncertainty, listlessly perusing the snack section. You got yourself all the way there, now just make sure you leave with something. And before you leave the house, please remember you keys and wallet.
3. Smelling like weed
We’ve all done it, walking into a store, bar or restaurant at peak highness, and instantly getting a whiff a the joint you smoked a few minutes ago. Then you realize it’s you. Is it your hands that smell? You go directly to the washroom to wash your hands, and you even rinse out your mouth. As you walk out of the washroom you get another whiff, just as strong. How did it so deeply permeate your entire being? Is it as you always feared, you smoke so much weed you are now becoming it? No, that’s just a very high thought. But seriously, how does on avoid this?
There are a few ways to minimize your weed smell when you’re out and about. The obvious one is to not blaze, but no one wants to hear that. So first of all, the easiest way to avoid smelling like weed is to hit a vape pen when you’re out instead of smoking a joint. Vapes carry much less of an odour than blazing joints does. Second, you can carry a travel sized cologne or perfume around for your clothes, some gum for your breath, and wash your hands after you blaze. That will probably do the trick. Another easy way to avoid your clothing smelling too much is to exhale downwind and hold the joint away from your body.
4. Puffy, red eyes
You walk out into the world only to realize it’s so bright out, and you forgot sunglasses. That’s manageable, because you have vision in your bag. Oh wait, it’s gone! You must have left it somewhere. Now you’re facing the world with puffy, red eyes and no way to hide them. Some stoner folk wear these with a badge of honour, and others with anxiety and shame. Some other ways to hide those puffy red eyes are low brimmed hats, sunglasses (if you remember) or just straight up averting your eyes from others, looking at the ground etc.
5. Bad joints
Sometimes, your friends roll bad joints. It’s ok, but it’s not. Call them out, they need to know. Even if you can’t roll a better one, everyone must be accountable to their joint creations. Does it keep going out? It is canoeing hard? Does the cherry keep falling out? All of these are signs of a badly rolled joint. To be fair, if you’re smoking shit weed with too much moisture in it, it’s tough to stay lit (in more ways than one). If the flower inside is chunky (ie rolled without a grinder), that can make the cherry fall out easily. Pack it proper when you spin it up to avoid this calamity.
6. Breaking glass
If you’re a stoner and you have owned glass bongs or pipes, the chances are extremely high you’ve broken one in a moment of highness. It happens to all of us. There are some precautions you can take to avoid this. First of all, with pipes, don’t tap out the ash by hitting the glass pipe against something solid. Don’t be an idiot like I was. You’ll smash the pipe and look like a total noob. And, if like me, you’re out and about somewhere with friends and no one knows how to roll a joint yet, you’ve just completely screwed everyone out of getting high. Good job, asshole. Now your pipe is broken just like the promise you made to everyone a few minutes ago that you would smoke them up.
Bongs are a bit trickier, because you’re usually at home base when you use them. That means you’re probably much higher than when you’re out and about, so this offers more opportunity for being a stoned idiot. Treat your bong like a glass of wine. This means don’t leave it at the edge of any table because, like wine glasses, they tip way too easily. It’s full on Murphy’s Law with these things. If it can happen, it will. If you’re a big dick stoner and you have a huge 3 foot bong, you must understand and come to accept that eventually this thing is going to fall and break, and you will be sad. Enjoy it while it’s in your life.
7. Talking yourself out of going places
Sometimes, you’re just too high for the world. You made so many plans when you woke up in the morning, you even have a list. You felt so motivated in the morning to go to the bank, get groceries and pick up that thing your partner asked you to get… what was it again? But, to quote the great philosopher Afroman, “I was gonna go to (insert errand), but then I got high”.
If you are a college student, talking yourself out of going to class is also a big one. At this point, you’re already late, cause you stopped at your favourite spot to blaze up a fat one before class. As you get to the end of your joint and the high settles in, you remember how bright those halogen lights are in the classroom, and how usually all the seats at the back are taken. Hmmm… you need to enter through the front of the lecture hall, which means right next to the professor, facing a small amphitheatre of student faces…. Or you could read the lecture notes later today (or never)…. And just head home and rip the bong or a fat dab. Yeah, that sounds like a better idea.
8. Greening out, or just being too high for the situation at hand
Greening out is a strong term, and usually reserved for weed noobs or people that don’t smoke often. But that doesn’t mean that seasoned stoners sometimes don’t find themselves out of their depth. When you’re in your happy place, at home base near the TV and fridge, you usually can get as high as you want. Worst case scenario is falling asleep on the couch, or fully clothes, laying backward on top of your bed with your shoes on your pillows. But going out in public in this state sometimes places you in situations where you are simply too high to be there.
The best way to combat a scenario of public highness is to breathe, normally. Don’t hyperventilate in the Walmart checkout line, and don’t decide to practice your Wim Hoff breathing technique around a bunch of strangers in a stalled elevator. Breathe normally and remember the golden mantra which can help you through all uncomfortable mind-altering moments: this too shall pass. And you will probably find it funny afterwards.
9. Time distortion
Sometimes weed has a funny way of making you lose track of time. The best way around this is to wear a watch (because you probably misplaced your phone). Having something actually strapped to you is still the best way to track time. Some other common time related weed problems are forgetting which day of the week it is, and forgetting to go to appointments.